Detroit Lions
In yet another bow to the United Auto Workers Union in Detroit, the Obama Administration has announced plans for one more bailout. Whitehouse Press Secretary Robert Gibbs stated, “The Detroit Lions pathetic season last year further depressed a region already depressed by bad auto industry news.” It is expected that all the money in the world cannot bring NFL caliber players to Detroit. “In the interest of fairness we’ll be requiring every NFL team to send their highest paid player to Detroit.” The ‘contributing’ team will continue to pay the contributed player’s salary. The US will also call on Canada for assistance. “Since no NFL level player in his right mind would live in Detroit, we’ll call on Windsor, Ontario to supply housing for the relocated stars. These players, while living in Canada, will qualify for Canadian Health Service.
Gibbs went on to say that this is the first step in bringing real parity to the NFL. “We’ll be introducing legislation making it illegal for a team to win two Super Bowls in a row.” When pressed for details on the proposed ‘American Idol’ fairness legislation Gibbs was evasive. “We’ll be addressing television talent contests in our ‘Comprehensive Fairness in Reality Television Act’.
As expected, Republicans oppose this plan. “In this critical time in or nations history we should not be focused on bailing out the Detroit football club. This is an obvious payback to the Auto Workers’ Union in Detroit! Instead, we need to focus on firming up the Washington Redskins!” said Michael Steele of the RNC. “The Skins represent our nation’s capital. They should no longer be an embarrassment.”
Sound ridiculous? We would never tolerate the government involving itself in our recreation. We need to stay just as vigilant with the rest of our lives.
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